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Frog Kissing

BY: LauraBF

Disclaimer: Neither JAG nor the song, "Frog Kissin'" belong to me, I'm just borrowing them for a little while. JAG belongs to Donald P. Bellisario, Belisaurius Productions, Paramount Pictures, and Columbia Broadcasting Service Entertainment. "Frog Kissin'" is written by Chet Atkins, and is performed by Ray Stevens.

Author's Note: My thanks to my wonderful, secret beta readers. This story is brought on by too much chocolate ice cream and listening to silly songs.


1935 Local
Mattie and Jen's place
North of Union Station
Washington, DC

Mattie surfed idly through her email. Bored. She'd never been so bored in her life. She smiled as she came across an email from Susan; she always had something that made both of them smile in her messages. She clicked on the message and scanned it quickly.


I found this on one of my Mom's old tapes. It made me laugh, especially when I thought about your Guardian and the girl he likes that you told me about!!

Later days!


Mattie opened the attachment and started playing the song. A wide grin spread over her face. It was perfect. She hadn't spent a lot of time with Harm's Mac, but even she could tell that they were just both too chicken to do anything about their feelings. Maybe if she shoved in just the right place… Harm was a great dad when that mean old man didn't send him out of town, and she was sure that Mac might do just as well as her own mother.

Mattie reached out, picked up her mother's picture, and ran her finger of the face of the image. "Mom, I love you, and I always will." She sighed and hugged the picture to her. "It's just that there's a chance that I might not be able to stay with Harm forever, and he needs her. I don't really want to replace you, Mom, but I can still use a mother." She put the picture down by the computer and smiled sadly. "I'm going to do this."

Mattie slipped a new CDR into her burner, turned on the sound equipment, and started speaking into the microphone. A few minutes later, she saved it as a MP3, created a playlist with the song that Susan had sent her, and started burning them to disk. After it finished, she pulled it out of the burner, stuck it in a case, and attached a note with a post-it note.

Mattie dug around in her desk, searching for an envelope. "Dangit," she muttered, before getting up to go see if Harm had one. She hurried over to his apartment and knocked on the door. "Harm?"

"It's open, Mattie," came Harm's call.

She walked in and smiled at him. "Harm? Do you have a manila envelope?"

"I think I do, kiddo. Let me check." Harm walked over to his desk, dug around inside, pulled one out, and handed it over. She could feel him watching as she slid the CD inside and sealed it in. "So what's that for, Mattie?"

"Oh, I've got a CD that I have to send to a friend of mine," she said. "Thanks, Harm!" Mattie kissed him on the cheek and started to head towards the door.

"Finished with your homework?" he asked.

"Yeah. It was easy." Mattie gave him a big smile, anxious to get back to her place before he found out what was on the CD.

"Don't stay up too late, Mattie," Harm said quietly. "If you want, I can come over and we can watch a movie or something."

"Maybe tomorrow?" Mattie asked. "It's been a long week, I've had a lot of homework, and I'm tired." She lied quickly and told herself that it was for his own good.

"Mattie, you know I love you, right?" Harm asked.

"Yeah." Mattie gave him one of her rarer smiles. "I love you too, Harm." She shot him a pleading look. "I'm willing try and fix my relationship with my dad, but *please* don't tell me I have to move back in with him, okay?"

"I promise that if I can help it, you're staying with me," Harm said quietly. "I don't want to lose you."

"Good." Mattie said. "Because I wish you really *were* my dad."

Harm came over and gave her a hug. "Sweetheart, I do, too."

Mattie hugged him back tightly and faked a yawn. "I'm going to bed. Night, Harm."

Harm released her and tugged one of her curls affectionately. "Night, Mattie."

Mattie hurried back to her apartment, grabbed a pen off of the coffee table, and scribbled Mac's name on the envelope. "Jen!" she called.

Jen wandered out of her bedroom and dropped onto one of the beanbag chairs. "What's up, Mattie?" she asked. "I almost had the mess on my computer fixed."

Mattie handed Jen the envelope. "I need you to put this on Colonel Mackenzie's desk for me--*please*?"

Jen eyed the envelope suspiciously. "This isn't something that'll blow up and get flour all over her face when she opens it, is it?"

"No, it isn't. I *swear* it's nice, Jen."

"Uh huh," Jen said. She grabbed a cloth and wiped down the envelope, being careful not to let her fingertips touch it. "I know that Colonel Mackenzie isn't your favorite person since I told you what happened last spring."

"What are you doing?" Mattie asked.

"Getting rid of fingerprints," Jen said. "The Colonel can always send this to the fingerprint lab if it blows up in her face, and *I'm* not getting into trouble for it."

Mattie rolled her eyes and dropped into a chair. "So you'll do it?" she asked.

"I guess," Jen said with a sigh. "Promise it's not dangerous?"

"Yes," Mattie said. She watched as Jen, holding the envelope by the rag, slid it into her purse. "Thanks, Jen!" she said with a smile, then got up and headed towards her room. All she could do was wait and hope that it would work.


1025 Local
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

Mac frowned as she noticed yet another manila folder on her desk. 'Must be more evidence from the Brennan case,' she thought with a sigh. She picked the envelope up, ripped it open, and shook it. A CD fell out on her desk, so she examined it. Her eye caught the neon pink note attached to it, so she started to read.

"Colonel Mackenzie, please play 'forMac.MP3' first before you play the other track."

Mac grimaced, slid the CD into her computer, and opened her D drive. She clicked on the requested file and listened closely; you never could tell when case evidence could be found in the most innocuous of statements.

"Hey Mac, it's me, Mattie. I know it's weird for you to get something from me, but my friend Susan sent me this song that I think you need to hear. I know I haven't been that nice to you, especially since it's your doing that I'm living with Harm now, but I want to make it up to you. Listen to the song, Colonel. If you want Harm to be your Handsome Prince, you're going to have to make the first move, because he's afraid he'll lose you if he does. Just be specific--but my advice is to do what the girl does in the song."

Mac muttered something about meddling teenagers under her breath before she clicked on the next file. A silly smile came over her face as she listened to the lyrics:

"Do you remember in the fairy tale, how the wicked witch's spell,
Turned the Handsome Prince to a toad?
Through the power of a potion, she handed him the notion,
He was lower than the dirt in the road.
And though she left him green and warted, her evil plan was thwarted,
There chanced to happen by a young miss,
Who in spite of his complexion, offered him affection,
And broke the Wicked Curse with her kiss."

Mac giggled softly. So Mattie thought she should just kiss Harm? It was worth a try. Hell, she'd done almost everything but strip naked and ambush him in his bed. Hm. That was an interesting thought…

"So if you've never been frog kissin; then you don't know what you've been missin'
There's a wealth of opportunity under each and every log!
And if you've never been charm breakin'
Then you've never been Handsome Prince makin',
You've got to slow down, turn around, bend down, and kiss you a frog!"

Goodness knows she'd kissed her share of frogs. Clayton Webb was the latest in a long string, but he hadn't turned into a handsome prince; he'd stayed a toad. Maybe Harm would be her prince after all; he'd certainly saved her often enough to be a knight in shining armor.

"Once upon a time ago, I was down and feeling low,
Like a lonely frog in a pond.
My life was just a joke and I was just about to croak,
'Cause I'd been zapped by life's wicked wand.
But in the depths of my depression, there came a true expression,
Of love from a person so sweet.
She gave me warm fuzzy feelings, feelings that were healin'
And she knocked me off my little webbed feet!"

Mac chuckled as she pictured Froggy-Harm falling off a lily pad when she walked by. She'd seen the flummoxed look on his face a couple of times, but she'd chosen to ignore it. Maybe there was hope for them yet.

"So if you've never been frog kissin; then you don't know what you've been missin'
There's a wealth of opportunity under each and every log!
And if you've never been charm breakin'
Then you've never been Handsome Prince makin',
You've got to slow down, turn around, bend down, and kiss you a frog!"

Maybe Mattie was right. A slow smile spread over Mac's face. The baby deal was coming due soon, and what better way to start it then to ambush Harm with a kiss? Or two? Or three? Or five? Or ten?

"There's a Happy Ever After Land, deep in the heart of man,
Where a Prince and Princess abides.
But all we get are glimpses, of the happy Prince and Princess,
'Cause they're covered with this green, warty hide.
And though they're full of life's potential, they're lacking one essential,
To enable them to shine like the stars.
And that's a handsome guy or misses, to cover them with kisses,
And love them just the way that they are! "

She *did* love Harm just the way he was, and if anybody deserved happily ever after, they did. Following Mattie's metaphor, Harm was a Handsome Prince disguised as a frog, and she, as the Princess, needed to kiss him to break the spell. That could be arranged.

"And that's the secret of frog kissin', and you can do it too if you'll just listen!
There's a wealth of opportunity under each and every log!
And if you've never been charm breakin'
Then you've never been Handsome Prince makin',
You've got to slow down, turn around, bend down, and kiss you a frog!"

Mac shut down the window and stood up. It was a good thing that Harm's tiny new office didn't have windows; time to go turn over a log.


Harm flipped through another file before throwing it on his desk in disgust. He was sick of being in the office. A wide grin spread over his face; he'd arranged for that reporter to catch a ride with him in a tomcat next week. All he had to do was to turn up the heat in the back and execute a few high G turns. Sure, it wasn't all that nice, but after all the times that reporters had screwed himself and his friends over, it was kinda fun to get some of their own back. He'd have to remember to stock the back with barf bags so that they didn't make him hose it out himself.

He looked up as he heard the telltale click of the door closing. "Mac? Is there something you need?" he asked, confused.

"I need to follow some advice that I got from a certain precocious teenager," Mac said with an enigmatic smile. She came around the desk, leaned over, and planted a kiss on his lips. It started out innocently enough, but it didn't end up that way. Slowly, she coaxed his mouth open with her tongue and invited his out to play.

Hesitantly, Harm began to explore her mouth with his own tongue, savoring the way she tasted. Without his consent, his arms came up around her. He stood up, pulled her into his arms, and held her close as he continued to discover new territory. He broke off the kiss with a gasp and looked at her. "Mac, why now?" he said.

Mac smiled. "Because Mattie told me that it was about time I kissed my frog to turn him into my Handsome Prince." She looked him over and her smile widened. "Nope, still green and warty." Mac kissed him again, tangling her tongue with his.

Harm kissed her back, confused by her explanation, but willing to go on with it; he'd wanted to kiss her far too often not to take advantage of it when she wanted to kiss him back. He pulled her even closer to him as he sucked and stroked and nibbled her lips. Finally, he broke it off for lack of air. "What about Webb?" he asked as he tried to catch his breath.

"Broke up with him because I'm in love with you," Mac said with a smile, then started layering kisses all over his face.

"Good." Harm said before he captured her lips with his.

One kiss turned into two, and two into four before Mac broke it off and stepped away. "Sailor, unless you're willing to ravish me here and since the Admiral hasn't been in the best mood lately, that isn't a good idea, we'd better stop until we get to a more… suitable location."

Harm sighed. "Right now, I'd like to make love to you on the Admiral's desk, but I guess that wouldn't be a good idea. You know, I love you, too."

A wide grin spread over Mac's face. "Just remember who said it first."

Harm chuckled. He loved the way she looked at that moment--her hair was mussed, her lips swollen, and she had that sparkly happy-Sarah-Mackenzie grin that he loved on her face. "My place at 1900? I'll feed you dinner."

Mac smiled and gave him a hug. "You bet, Harm. After dinner, *then* maybe I'll let you ravish me."

Harm groaned, wrapped his arms around her, and leaned his forehead against hers. "You're going to be the death of me, Marine."

Mac giggled. "Then I guarantee you'll die a happy man."

"Remind me to thank Mattie," he said with one of his wide flyboy smiles.

Mac kissed him briefly, then stepped back and straightened her uniform. "I will, and if you're good, I'll let you listen to the CD she made me."

"So *that's* what the envelope was for," he said, understanding dawning. Harm gave her a playful leer after motioning that he'd explain later. "What if I'm very, very *bad*?" he asked.

Mac turned, walked towards his office door, and shot a sultry look over her shoulder. "That, too."

Harm followed her to the door, unable to resist the lure of Sarah Mackenzie. He walked out the door behind her and was shocked when they ran into the Admiral.

AJ's gaze raked over them. "Keep it out of the office," he snapped, then hurried away. A few minutes later, riotous laughter could be heard coming from the Admiral's office. The couple snuck up to the door, hoping that the laughter meant that he wouldn't decide to have them both up for conduct unbecoming by the next day. They exchanged a glance and smiled in relief as they heard AJ's voice through the door. "About *damn* time," was all they heard.

"See you tonight?" Harm whispered. At Mac's nod, he slipped away and headed towards his office, whistling the entire way.

End story one.