Disclaimer: If you think they're
mine, you're sadly mistaken. I borrowed them, hugged them,
squeezed them, and called them George and then gave them back like a
good girl. Seriously, Harm, Mac, and the TV series JAG belong to Donald
P. Bellisario, Belisaurius Productions, Paramount Pictures, and
Columbia Broadcasting Service Entertainment.
Author's Note: Ok, so I'm in a bit of
a destructive mood tonight, and I've been making too many pies
lately... The town is completely fictional--if one such actually
exists, this is a different one. 'Sides, he needs killin'. He
always can use killin'. Oh yes, just in case you haven't guessed
already, character death warning.
1423 ZULU Dallas, Florida
Clayton Webb tailed his quarry into
town. The agent he was currently chasing had abandoned her car
some time ago, forcing a foot pursuit in order not to lose her in the
crowds. Briefly, he'd seen a sign proclaiming that, in an attempt
to break the world record for the largest pecan pie ever made, the town
was holding a pie festival, but he ignored it in favor of running after
the red head who was weaving through the crowds in front of him.
He ran up on the pie-baking platform,
thinking of nothing but catching his quarry. He was just rounding
the giant crust when his foot hit a patch of corn syrup. He
slipped, flailed his arms around a bit for balance, didn't manage to
keep it, and fell headfirst into the pie.
He tried to swim through the warm,
sticky mass, but didn't quite manage to get out before the pie started
baking. He tried to cry out, but the wig he was wearing got
plastered over his face, muffling sound.
Webb finally managed to open his
mouth, but choked on the sticky pie filling. He was found
fifty-five minutes later when the finished pie was removed from the
makeshift oven. At first, all the townsfolk could see was a hand
thrust out from between the pecans, but soon they found his undercooked
body among the gummy morass.
Disgusted by what had happened, they
threw the pie out after transporting his body to the county morgue, and
tried for the world record again the next year.